I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
last night I used snow as a chaser
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
