I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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