so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
