If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
