I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
