you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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