My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
