So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't want my vagina anymore.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
