I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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