he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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