You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
