kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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