So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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