also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
