nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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