We named our party play list daddy issues
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
