oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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