I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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