Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize