I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
