suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
