I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This house was built for laser tag.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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