I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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