Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
