I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
