I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
