Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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