So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
