Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
