Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
