I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
