totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize