the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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