Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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