I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize