I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
