remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize