I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my shit smells like andre
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
