somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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