before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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