Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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