i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
