I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
