I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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