I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
