This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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