batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize