i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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