So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
