I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
