I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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