Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
