I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
