dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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