but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
