You're so nebulous sometimes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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