Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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