I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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