when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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