Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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