see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
