swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
