i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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