I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
