i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
