I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
