Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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