I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
