I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
