i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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