She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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