It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
